I cut my penus on the lid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
