too bad you live with your parents still
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
