he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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