I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
