I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
