I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
