Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
