Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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