she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
