my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Terrible idea I love it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
