unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize