Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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