I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
