I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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