so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
