i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
