Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
