I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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