I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm just crazy horny about you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
