I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize