You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
