Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
