Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
