so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
