Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
