I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
PANTIES FOUND
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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