I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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