They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
