I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
