woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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