After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
