Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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