can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
