i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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