I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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