I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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