apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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