I look better un-naked...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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