Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
