He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
