I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
