were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
