I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
