Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
