Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
