before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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