There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
