I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Floor bacon is actually really good
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
