He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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