God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
