Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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