You smell like a Billy Joel song
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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