got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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