420 ftw
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize