so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
