all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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