Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
