Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
