me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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