i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
