I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
