I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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