If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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