oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
