My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
