He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
