Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
