Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize