Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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