i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
