Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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