Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
this hospital has no fireball
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
