she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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