we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
