Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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