i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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