Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
