he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
