you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize