how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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